"Wed, 02/12/09
5.20 pm visit - so glad that I got there before dinner was served. A few days ago, I walked into the room to find him crying quietly before the dinner tray placed before him. He was alone and must have been feeling helpless, unable to feed himself, tangible evidence of a weak body. (At times, he's determined to and has been able to feed himself, summoning enough energy to do it.) Anyway, moving into action mode myself, I said, it's OK - you will recover strength to feed yourself without anyone helping you.
For today's dinner, it was chicken casserole (well, sort of) with mashed veges and mashed potato. He had 4-5 spoonfuls, double what he's been consuming.
Looking out at the window, he said I see a flag in that building. Huh? What flag, what building? Blimey, it took me nearly a minute to sight the flag which was way, way over there on top of a low building sandwiched between tall buildings. And Edi's shortsighted, too! I never did notice the flag although Hazel has talked about it before! Then Edi replied, I've been looking at it everyday.
A new nurse, Jie Ling (from Hong Kong) advised Edi to cough regularly to strengthen his lungs. But Edi, being Edi, said he didn't want to disturb others (aar ...argh) even though he's the only patient in the room. There is a woman just next door and he was sort of referring to her. "I must be mindful of others". You know, I love him very dearly but couldn't help being frustrated that at such a time, his consideration was misplaced! Jie Ling said they want him and all patients to cough anytime of the day or night, not to hold their spitum in for that is bad (VERY BAD, I'd say) for their lungs.
Again, he asked me to leave at as early as 6'ish. I eventually left at 7'ish so that he wouldn't fret.
Thu, 03/12/09
8.15 am visit - I was wondering if I should mention to brother his 11 am appointment to check out his throat. What do I say so that he's not alarmed? If he knew the examination was ordered because the speech therapist wasn't happy with his slow process in swallowing properly (a week since the tube was extracted from the trachea), this would be devastating for his fragile state of mind. At least, this is my understanding of the reason for the examination from the nurse yesterday. Well, he told me about the appointment himself when I got in. I said they just want to make sure that everything's fine with your throat which is true. Would you like me to go with you for your check up? He shook his head, no point for me to wait around, was his reply.
He wanted to go to the toilet but was too weak and I got a scare when he said, my heart is throbbing and we looked up to find that the monitor is not picking up anything on the screen on his heart rhythm as one connection has come off. When Jie Ling got it hooked up again, the heart rate was back to normal. The nurse decided that he should not walk to the toilet and asked if he would use the bottle. His remark was "this is so embarrassing". Jie Ling kept quiet so I played nurse and said, no need to be embarrassed, nurses are trained professionals.
Edi and I spoke briefly of the psychiatrists visiting him last Tue. I said that I was told by Dr Bernard the consultant, that his depression was "normal" and triggered by the huge setback to his health after the operation. His response was who wouldn't be depressed by this? I finished by saying that his depression will go away as he grows stronger.
I used a small white board and drew 4 columns up, ranging from left to right. First column: ICU, cannot eat. Second column: Normal ward: eating, drinking and walking. Third column: Rehab. Fourth column: Home. I wanted him to visually see his progress. His comment was it would take a long time (to recover). He needs lots of reassurances as he's trying to cope with so much and of course there is uncertainty for him in the path ahead. Anything that he sees to be problematic makes him feel tearful, that he's not recovering quickly enough. Eg: he saw something on his lower body and asked why his wounds there are still not healed? I thought he mistook them for operation wounds and explained that the operation was only on his upper body and the incisions are all healing well (that's the truth). Then I realised he was talking of blisters on his lower body which he mistook for operation wounds.
Later, he asked "why two operations?". I clarified that the tracheostomy was to help his lungs to recover but the tube is out now and the incision is healing which is a fact.
Strange - these 3 days, he's been asking why it is still raining. He could be seated right by the window, feeling the sun on his body and looking out the window, yet he thinks it's raining.
12.25 visit - Hei Meng arrived just ahead of me and Edi was still not back. Nurse Jie Ling came in and put her hands to her eyes, saying I'm so sorry (good grief, what's happened?) and profusely apologised that she had sent Edi to the wrong building. Hence time has been wasted and while he's now in the correct building, she's not sure when Edi would be finished with the examination. Phew! Needless to say, we readily forgive her for such "good" news.
Just past 1 o'clock, Edi was wheelchaired back into the room. He briefly complained about the arrogance of the girls who took him round and round (to the wrong places). Jie Ling felt bad and apologised to him too for her mistake in the first place. Edi said he wasn't blaming her but the girls (whoever they were). We must wait for the speech pathologist to read the scan first and hopefully when we get back for evening visit, we will know the result.
Jie Ling said although she did not talk to the speech therapist who saw Edi after my morning visit, the therapist seemed happy with Edi's progress when she had him drink some water. Jie Ling thinks the throat examination is more precautionary than anything else.
As off last evening, Edi has been approved to consume Grade 1 fluids but I saw only Grade 2 tubs of water provided for him. I saw Grade 1 water this morning and Edi put up no resistance to "drinking" it.
Now wait for this, people - back to the time when he came back from the throat examination - Edi then said I'm hungry, I want to eat (lunch was on the table). Those words were so wonderful to our ears. His feed would have been taken off at 6 this morning. He proceeded to feed himself (ate 1/5 of contents on the plate - mashed potato, fish and some mashed veges) and later, to clean himself and to change his pants with some help from me or the nurse. All this is great for it helps him to regain some sense of control of his life. However, I don't want him to think he can just up and go to the bathroom on his own or with my help for I don't know how to support him properly - this was what he attempted to do a few times these two days. The ward does want him to progressively do more things for himself but not to risk falling when his legs are not strong enough. I spoke a bit sternly to him: you have come a long way and you don't want to fall and have a setback. Seemed to work its magic but I know very soon, he'll test the boundaries again, like tonight!"
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