Update for Monday....

The following is Vivien's email which I just received after I came back from paying bills and lunch with a friend.  Edi continues to show improvements and I hope this momentum can be maintained at the very least.  The only thing that tugs at my heart is his bouts of silent tears, and I know this is due to sheer frustration on his part at finding himself in this situation.

I will continue to pray that he will can rest well and recover..


"Sun, 29/11/09
Evening - Edi agreed to have some mashed potato and mashed peas but ate no more than two spoonfuls.  When sis arrived with the congee cooked in pork broth, Edi was keen to have it right away.  He got a bit impatient when I spooned small portions to his mouth and took the spoon and cup from me to feed himself.  Always one who is keen on efficiency and effectiveness, he proceeded to take big mouthfuls.  It was pretty hard for me not to say anything, he might choke and the speech therapist did say to swallow and rest in between mouthfuls.  Earlier at lunch, he had asked the nurse to slow down in giving him food and requested smaller portions.  I'm learning to go with the flow and respond accordingly to his needs.

Hei Meng's family came and I hope that this brought him some cheer.  Edi asked us to leave as he wanted to sleep and didn't want Hei Meng's children hanging around in the ward for too long (exposed to germs).  Because he was teary twice in the afternoon hence feeling vulnerable, I wasn't going out for dinner but at his request for us to leave, I changed my mind.

Mon, 20/11
8.05 am visit - Edi  seated up and two nurses preparing to take blood.  First attempt, unsuccessful; 2nd effort some blood but not enough.  A doctor will return to get some more.  He was very tired and wanted to get up and climb into bed; would have sat up for just over an hour by now.  Before the nurse could help him do that, the doctors came.  In following their conversations and speaking with Nurse Rachel, they need to get the right medication and dosage to stop Edi's heart fibrillation (AF is the term the doctors use) which is happening less frequently and for very short periods of time since they changed the med last Fri.  AF occurred during the night after our departure and during my visit this morning.

Rachel also brought up the subject on getting Edi's favorite food to stimulate his appetite as he ate very little for brekkie today.  I thought if we can eat but cannot drink, how much will we want to eat anyway?  Rachel suggested that we cook some more when preparing his dinner and they can feed it to him for brekkie tomorrow - wonderful suggestion.  She also said the speech therapist may not come by today (why not!).  I want her to assess if Edi can graduate to thinner fluids because this development will help him to eat better.

They will send a psychiatrist to assess Edi and if necessary, give him something temporarily to lift his spirit.  I feel this is a sound move as there is only so much he can do to be optimistic when his body is so frail.  I saw him cry twice yesterday in my presence and another time before Asst Nurse Lauren.  I know he's not indulging self-pity because this is not him.  He weeps because he is feeling unwell.

Hei Meng brought in a radio last evening and I brought in a walkman this morning but Edi is not up to any of these.

Hei Meng saw him late morning but they didn't talk much as he was tired and in bed.

2.10 visit -  decided to risk being asked to leave the ward and to return at 2.30 pm but no such drama.  The psychiatrist has been and sees no reason yet to prescribe antidepressants but she will bring her consultation tomorrow to obtain his opinion.  Nurses Julian and Stephen brought in a machine and set up connections to Edi's chest and legs.  They wanted a printout of his heart rhythm and Julian told Edi not to think something's wrong with him.  What they were doing is routine (well, it was the first time we've seen it but bless him for reassuring Edi).

A doctor, Luisa, came in to draw blood as this morning's sample wasn't enough for various tests.  She was successful at her 2nd attempt.  She also had a quick look at the heart beat printout and commented that except for one spike, the pattern looked normal.  Some patients require medication to manage the AF while in other cases, the heart just suddenly kicks in to do the right thing.

The speech therapist has come by too and now Edi is put on Grade 2 fluids (consistency of food compared to honey).  When Edi heard the nurse telling me this, he shook his head and told William, a friend visiting him from Sydney, he didn't want honey - his aversion to sweet stuff.  William advised him we were only using honey to illustrate the texture of food that he is now allowed to consume.  I asked the dietitian to give him milk and water (in grade 2 form).  For dinner today, they would try scrambled eggs for him.  As he drifted in and out of sleep, William and I left the ward at 3'ish.  Sam, William didn't ring you from the ward because Edi was not up to it.

Terry, the pendant has been put around his neck by the nurses today and when I left, it was sitting on his chest between skin and his pyjamas top , close to the heart.  Previously, it was taped onto his right arm - easier to be managed as nurses at different shifts do different things, eg: they took it off him one day.  I considered leaving it under his pillow per one suggestion of yours but the next morning, when they change the bed linen, they will probably move it onto the table top."

Update for Sunday...

Edi's sister went back to her office again to be able to email updates.  Again its a fairly detailed description of what had transpired over Saturday and Sunday (some of which I've posted based on William's phone conversation with me yesterday).

He is improving albeit at a slow but steady pace.  For that, we are all thankful. From now, let's hope he will regain his strength..

"Sat, 28/11/09
Lauren, the Assistant nurse, came out to tell Hei Meng and me - during our morning visit - that Edi was a bit teary.  Sometimes, I wish that he would cry and cry to vent his sorrow but thus far, his 3 episodes have been for as short as 2-3 minutes.  But perhaps he has wept for longer when on his own.

The catheter was blocked.  Two nurses, Maria and Lauren, had to call in the doctor to unblock it after trying in vain to do that for ½ hour. The doctor (Marissa) had no success too and I heard brother moaning in pain as she tried to reposition it.  She decided to take it off and advised me that the team was already thinking about the removal yesterday.  It might have to go back in (No, no, no ... was the reaction in my mind) but she would monitor if Edi is able to pass urine on his own.  Within ½ hour, Edi was able to.

His heart still fibrillates now and again, and when he was in the toilet and left alone by the nurse, I became a bit concerned when the alarm kept pinging on the monitor that his heart rate was at 130'ish. He could become dizzy and fall over (not being clucky; the dizziness is a result of b/p dropping due to the racing heart beats - one of the doctors has explained this to me).  Nurse Julian came back and said he has been following Edi on the monitor near the nurses station.  A look into the toilet resulted in bringing him back to bed for a good rest.

The physiotherapist came by and because he was so tired, had Edi only do some leg exercises in bed.  I was invited to watch them so that I can get him to do them later in the day.  However, this didn't happen eventually because he was tired out for the rest of the day.

Afternoon visit - William visited and brought a pressie (gold box with a blue ribbon in which was a hippo soft toy) as well as an e-card from Sam.  Sam, I heard the story from William who heard it from you that Edi's lost a hippo and hence, this is a replacement :)  Edi was in and out of sleep but William managed to have a conversation with him.  The first question Edi asked was when William got into Melb.

When the nebulizer was administered (4 times daily), Edi became very agitated that the spray was very salty and this time, neither I nor William could persuade him to leave the mask on.  He also complained of the sweetness of plain yoghurt, fruche, orange juice and water pudding.

It wasn't the right time to tell him that I'd selected them since he was asleep last Fri when the dietitian came asking what he might want. William came up with the suggestion that we put forward to Julian - to soak some large cotton buds with water and wipe the insides of his mouth with them.  Julian willingly obliged us and Edi.

Dr Marissa came by to check his urine output but in the 1.1/2 hours since my return to the room, Edi has not been to the toilet.  Earlier Julian has asked if he wanted to go but the response was a negative. When he next awoke from his nap, I carefully phrased my words (two things were important for me (a) that I don't lie and (b) that he doesn't feel that I'm asking him to do things against his will   -  "The doctor and the nurse have asked if you have been to the toilet. Would you like to go now?"   Huge silent sigh from me when he nodded his head.




Sun, 29/11
Morning visit - Edi asked for his beads and when they were in his hand, he queried why they were so cold.

Julian came by and mentioned that his heart fibrillation has stabilised; only happened a few times during the night and this morning and they didn't last very long.  His b/p also was good during the fibrillation episodes and this might indicate that the drug that they have switched over to since yesterday is slowly working for him.  I am not quite sure if it was this conversation that caused Edi to suddenly cry.  By now I have learned not to say anything but just gently place my hands on him.  This is the 4th time that I know of his crying but only the 3rd time that I witnessed it.  Two tear drops, one from each eye, slowly coursed down and I helped him wipe them away.  Again within a few minutes, it was over.

Edi was fed a bit of Weetbix with a bit of milk and it was well accepted by the trachea, ie, he didn't choke and there was no drama ! Julian asked what Edi might like for food?  He doesn't think the hospital kitchen could drum up something appetizing for Edi given his aversion to sweet stuff.  I have rung home and Hazel will come with dinner (rice congee cooked in nutritious broth).  I think we can manage brekkies and dinners from home for time being.  As he can drink, we'll have him on nutritious soups.

Before lunch (a few tablespoons of carrot puree and mashed potato), Edi was encouraged to have some orange juice pudding.  He shook his head but thankfully, understood the importance of making the effort because this morning's blood sugar test showed he was a bit low in sugar.  Edi asked for water after a few mouthfuls and Julian gave him some water pudding.  I think I must try a bit of it myself to see how it tastes :-(

ICU Nurse Karen stopped by and she mentioned the trachea team will visit tomorrow to check on the incision at Edi's throat.  The nurses changed the dressing this morning and between yesterday and today, it's closed up further.   Little oozing out of it and at a guess, I'd say the incision is now ½ inch wide only.  Hopefully, the team doesn't see fit to invade his throat through the mouth with some scope to check if something's wrong with his voice box or whatever they want to check if they get concerned enough that he's not using his voice well.

We are very hopeful now that he can eat a bit, he will quickly progress to drinking water and other thin fluids."

Update for Saturday...

My Sydney friend (William) who flew in to Melbourne this morning, visited Edi at the hospital today.  Immediately after his visit, he sms'd me to say that Edi is recovering steadily.  Later in the late afternoon, he called me and told me in some detail about Edi.

Edi is not really able to talk yet, and when he does, its more like a very soft whisper.  It is usual for patients after a bypass operation, and more so in Edi's case since he has a tube inserted at his throat to help him breathe better.  Because of that also, he feels thirsty and has indicated a few times that he wants to drink just plain water.

The medication he has to swirl around in his mouth to prevent any thrush infection is apparently salty and that makes his thirst worse.  To lessen this, my friend suggested to his sister to have some cotton swabs dipped in water ready so that he can at least swipe it on the lips to lessen the parchness. (read my previous posting on why he couldn't be given normal water yet to drink)

In general he is fully aware of what's around him in the room, and has been very co-operative with the doctors and nurses.  They are making sure he understands what they are doing to him.  He sometimes feels a bit alarmed if the nurses or doctors do some new routine because he seems to think that could possibly mean something is not right.  They have to assure him that its not a negative development.  I guess this means he conciously wants to get better faster and gets a bit anxious.

He has also "complained" that the yoghurt they are beginning to feed him is rather too sweet for his liking.  To me, this only indicates that Edi is getting back some of his "normal" self (even my friend had to laugh at this trait of Edi's when he related it to me).

The card and the hippo soft-toy did bring him some measure of happiness and perhaps a touch of nostalgia.  William said he could see the corners of Edi's eyes grew moist when he read the card.  I am happy he can relate to the message and hope it will strengthen his resolve to get well.

He was rather disappointed at not being able to be given a bath yet although it had been planned.  Perhaps they will do it for him in another day or so.  He must be feeling uneasy not having a bath for the last 2 weeks !!

My friend said he will probably visit Edi again tomorrow (Sunday) and will keep me informed..

Thanks William for being such a thoughtful friend... !!

Update for Friday... and Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha

I was away almost the whole day at my brother's house for raya with some friends before I get to open my emails this evening.  The email from Vivien is longer than usual, but she has taken pains to describe what is happening.  As she says, it is also as a means of keeping a record for Edi to read when he is well..

"8.30 am visit - Edi tried to tell me something and it frustrated him that his voice was too soft for me to catch his words.  But the good thing is that he tried, stopped and tried again.  This is exactly what the speech therapist wants him to do.  Finally I worked out that he wanted a wet face washer to clean his eyes.

Last night (after my departure) and again this morning, his heart rate raced to 150 for about 5 mins.  The doctors were consulted who decided to give him some magnesium drip.  The heart fibrillation is apparently common in heart bypass surgery and is expected to be a temporary condition.  With the high heart rate, his b/p fell and he felt dizzy.  Due to this development, they aborted the idea of giving him a shower (how glorious the word "shower" sounded when the nurse first suggested it).

Edi wrote on a paper (Terry, I was reminded by your email about him wanting to write as he feels up to it; he doesn't have a steady hand yet, see scanned doc.  Edi wrote it at 11'ish am on Fri, 27/11/09 - I'm going into such details as my updates will be a diary for him to read when he's ready).  It took some questioning before I could decipher the last two words of the sentence, I want to drink milk.  I explained that the speech therapist must give the OK first.  I also thought with his diarrhea, milk might not be a good option even when he is allowed fluids.  Then he said he wanted water.  When Bernadette (speech therapist) arrived to assess him today, thickened orange juice was given to him which made him cough, suggesting that he wasn't swallowing properly.  There was a small leak of the juice from the incision at his throat.

Edi kept asking for water but she said giving him anything thinner than the thick orange juice he's just had, is likely to get in the wrong way and end up in his lungs and introduce the risk of pneumonia.  She returned with another two tubs of stuff.  One was water pudding, just water that looked like glue and it was classified as Grade 3 - the thickest consistency, perhaps - to test on Edi's swallowing function.  Thankfully, it went in OK, he neither spluttered or cough.  You can imagine if Edi didn't clear this hurdle, how devastating it would be for him after such a promising start to the morning.  Bernadette also placed her fingers on his throat and asked him to get ready for a hard, decisive swallow of the water pudding.  Then to say "ah" for her.  The voice was weak.  She has recommended up to 5 times daily intake of Grade 3 fluids for the weekend with the hope of moving him onto purees early next week.  She says to have the thickened fluids when seated up, swallow some, rest the muscles and have some more - act of swallowing strengthens the muscles concerned.

For the weekend, he will have fruche vanilla, thickened apple juice and plain yoghurt.  He was asleep when the dietitian checked what he might like, I hope he likes my choices.  Bernadette is unsure why Edi is not talking in the way she wants: might be the voice box has been damaged or his vocal cord muscles are so weak that they must be re-conditioned to function properly.

Bossy Sandi , the psysiotherapist had Edi walk a few steps before again being seated on a chair.  He soon wanted to get back to bed as he felt weak and tired.  Sandi explained to him that he would recover quicker off bed than in it.  Anyway, soon after it was back to the use of the walker again before returning to bed where he promptly dozed off.  He was exhausted.

Later in the morning, when the nurse had him on the nebulizer (cold sprays of liquid mixed with medicine inhaled into the lungs to break up sputum and to help cough it out easily) he tried to take it off after a bit.  He is at the end of his tether - pulling out feeding tube, now this, not taking deep breaths during the nebulizer exercise despite the nurse asking him to do so again and again and being angry with Bernadette for not giving him water (but I suspect at times that he's more discouraged than rebellious).

As of yesterday, I started playing some music from his mobile phone and he didn't seem to mind.  The next thing is to get him to switch on the telly, even if it's just to glance at it cursorily for starters."




This is what Edi wrote on that paper:-

 

Thursday update...

This is the extract of the email Edi's sister sent this morning. It also covers in greater detail the short post I put up yesterday :-

"Wed, 25/11
8.20 am visit - ICU awaited doctors round at 9 am to determine if Edi would move out of ICU.  Meantime, I asked the attending nurse, Sarah, if they could wheel him out into the sunshine again but although she said to wait and see, I didn't think it would happen.

Afternoon visit by Hei Meng - upon arrival, Edi had been seated up for 4 hours and had been just put back to bed.  Understandably, he was tired but by the time Hei Meng, he looked comfortable.

4.30 pm visit - He's been moved into Level 4, room 18 half an hour before my arrival.  Single room with view to surrounding buildings, some trees and vast expanse of sky.  It faces east and I hope the morning sun will bring warmth and comfort to Edi.  He was tolerating having the cuff down in his trachea; but was coughing constantly.  Initially, he was wiping the spitum off himself until he must be too tired and stopped doing it.  I stayed until 8 pm when visiting hours are over to give him practical and moral support.

Thur, 26/11
8 am visit -  Told by a nurse that at about 3 o'clock last night, they found that Edi had pulled out the feeding tube that goes down the nostril into his stomach.  It wasn't until 10'ish this morning that an X-ray was taken to confirm that the tube is sitting properly in his tummy before being connected back to the feed at 12.30 pm.  I heard that a colleague of mine did exactly the same thing, the tube is such an intrusion down one's throat that he wrestled to get it out of him !  Apparently, it is mighty uncomfortable.

The dietitian, Eve, came by to confirm that the feed is lactose free (given his diarrhea, I'd asked about this).  The physiotherapist asked Edi, "You know that you are going to get better, don't you?".  Edi shook his head and his eyes began to tear up.  My heart ached for him and tears welled up in my eyes, too.  I made a pretence of having to wash my hands and left the room to gather myself before returning to his side.  Mustn't let him see me cry for this will distress him further.

His ability to cough spitum out of his lungs to his mouth is so strong that the head nurse, David, recommended to the visiting trachea team of doctors that the tube be removed.  He also felt that as less support systems are removed from Edi and his bedside (this tube removal also means the humidifier is irrelevant), this tells him that he's improving.  One moment they were talking about it, the next they were doing it.  I was taken by surprise with the speed it was carried out.  I didn't even know it was happening (blocked by doctor A) until  doctor B told Edi, "it's OK, it's OK" because Edi was in great pain.  I moved from behind Dr A to see that it must have been the pain from the incision to his throat.  After 3-5 mins, the pain disappeared judging by Edi's facial expression.

The speech therapist, Bernadette, asked Edi to try say a few words; he tried but was too weak.  She will return later today to assess how Edi swallows.  As she's satisfied that he's swallowing well, he can have sips of water and this will expand to include purees.  As he progresses to eat more orally, the feeding tube will be removed.  She will also "teach" him to talk again.

David, says it's now a matter of building up his lungs and general strength."  

Another friend in need of our prayers and thoughts..

In the midst of my own concerns and anxieties, I just got news from the same friend I mentioned earlier who is going for his India pilgrimage: his own brother has just suffered a heart attack and is now in hospital in Klang.

I can only imagine the tensions in his mind, and I hope he is able to cope well.  For you guys out there who are following my postings and especially those who know him, all I ask is to also give a prayer for his brother.

Please, just do that..

Thanks..

Late update......

I have just received an SMS from Edi's sister.  She says he is now out of ICU and placed in a single room ward where he can see "the expanse of sky".  His lungs condition is also improving.

This is really good to know and hopefully, with this new surroundings, Edi will gain the will to recovery faster..

Tomorrow I hope there can be further good news..

Wednesday update.. of sorts..

Today, I have not yet received any email from Edi's sister regarding his condition.  She did however manage to send me a short email on another matter and mentioned that Edi still has that "distant" look in his eys this morning, but that it wasn't as "bad" as yesterday.  I do hope he's slowly getting out of this condition.

I have asked a friend in Sydney who is going to Melbourne this weekend to print and bring along a card I've emailed to him for Edi. On it is a picture of the long-ago soft-toy hippo "pet" he likes, and which I know will bring back fond memories for him.  Hopefully, it will cheer him up a bit, or at least get his mind away from whatever it is that makes him feel depressed.

The same friend in Sydney has also asked one of his friends who works as a nurse in an ICU in Singapore regarding Edi's current situation.  The nurse's reply suggests that it is a perfectly normal condition for any patient who has gone through a major surgery and has been in ICU for awhile.  Let's hope that this explains Edi's condition..

On the same topic, I am extremely grateful to this friend in Sydney for offering to give his own soft-toy hippo to Edi when he makes a visit in the next few days at the hospital.  Hopefully by then Edi would have been moved out to a normal ward so that he can receive non-family visitors.  What makes me so touched by this friend's gesture is that the soft-toy was given to him by someone who is obviously dear to him, yet he says he cherishes Edi's friendship more so he wants to give it to Edi to cheer him up.  What else can I say to this except that I will always remember this kind gesture.... Bless you

Also, another friend who will be going off to a pilgrimage in India and has offered to do some prayers for him too.  I will be meeting him before he goes to hand over the necessary things on behalf of Edi. And also yet another friend has been silently praying for him all this while: to him I also would like to say my heartfelt thanks.  The beauty of the whole thing is, they are all of different faiths, yet they have the same common intention.  To this simple fact, I feel God really knows what's in our hearts, no matter how we communicate that to him...


Hopefully I can get more news and post it here..

Tuesday update...

It's somewhat disheartening that Edi is undergoing some bouts of depression at this point in time.  But I do hope it's because he really hates to be in a hospital, like most of us.  I also tend to think he is mulling over the fact that this happened to him, despite having gone all the extra miles to look after his own health prior to this situation..

The following is essentially what his sister emailed me late this morning:-

"Edi is extremely weak, having been in ICU and off food for 15 days now.  Yet, he needs to be strong enough to sit on a chair, to walk about in order to strengthen his lungs to the extent that he can cough mucous right up to his mouth.

He's gone into depression and is disinterested in his surrounds.  I think this morning's discovery that he couldn't sit up set him back further in mind and spirit.  Two days ago when he was sat on the chair for the first time, he did so well that they extended from the initial ½ hr to nearly 1 hour.  The doctors kept him back at ICU today because of his weakness.

He hasn't been sleeping well, too.  Last night, he had diarrhea throughout the night so it's another stress factor.  I've mentioned before that the diarrhea is a result of feeds, antibiotics and various medications given to him.

Thankfully, the nurse was very kind to organise taking him out of the building, to be in the open.  Today's weather is lovely, sunny and a top of 25 deg Celcius.  Under a huge tree, he could see the blue sky and sunlight dappling through green leaves and feel gentle breezes.  This did him good although we couldn't stay for more than 20 mins because the small mobile humidifier runs for only ½ hr.  He still needs it to help keep his lungs moist.   The nurse tried taking him off the humidifier but his oxygen intake quickly dropped to below 90 within a short period of time.  Hopefully, the nurse can take him out to the open again tomorrow."

Monday update....

I had to put this update a bit late as I was out of the house most of the day. I received this email this morning just before I went out..

"One of the doctors, Matthew said that medically, they have done all they could for Edi who now has a distant look about him.  It's up to him to fight for quicker recovery.  I wonder if this might be the depression that sets in after heart bypass surgery; we read about it in a booklet from St V's.  The doc also said to keep talking to him, telling him what's happened, where he is now at, to keep his mind occupied (eg: the ICU has provided him a TV and some DVDs).  I'll bring in his phone with his music. 

A nurse asked Edi this afternoon if he knew what's happened to him; Edi shook his head so she outlined to him the events that have unfolded over the last two weeks.  I've told Edi a few times about his illness but didn't go into detail and of course, he couldn't ask for clarifications because of the ventilator and tracheostomy.

Matthew also stated that patients sometimes don't remember what we've told them, so we are to repeat info to help him move his recovery along.  Edi is not fidgety or restless when Hei Meng was there.  When I was there in the morning, he saw me engaged in conversation with the nurse from Msia and waved at me to attract my attention.  Drawing near to him, he continued to wave his left hand and mouthed "Go".  I think he was mindful that I was on my way to work.

There is no bed available in the normal ward today but it looks like by tomorrow, one will become available."

The weekend...

After the good news over Friday and Saturday, a sense of calm descended upon the mind.  Two friends came by early on Saturday and fetched me for a short outing to Ikea.  We had breakfast there, the first hearty one I've had in a few days.

Time flies when the mind is not pre-occupied with worries and anxieties.  By the time we finished our "stroll" through the cavernous store, it was almost 6 hours later.  We ate hotdogs and curry-puffs before heading for home.

It rained soon after I got home to unpack and assemble the table-lamp I bought.  It was only then I discovered I didn.t buy a bulb to go with it.  I did buy 5 other bulbs, but they were meant for normal ceiling lights...

I had switched on the radio softly the whole day I was away to Edi's favourite station.  Actually it is the only station that the old radio can receive no matter how we tried tuning it. But luckily it's the station that we both like because of the non-intrusive music it plays ( yeah....  oldies). It provides some measure of relaxation I guess..

Today (Sunday), I did the laundry after putting it on hold for almost two weeks.  Better to wash a bigger load then to do it piecemeal.  Besides, the weather had been rather wet for many days already. Today it was unfortunately not sunny at all and I had to dry the washing indoors. But I didnt mind it much. It gave me a bit more things to organise and do.

And the whole day I was listening to the same station again.  Maybe its nostalgia, maybe it's just the soothing non-abrasive music.  But I was humming softly to the songs I am familiar with. As they say, music can soothe the mind... and let's hope the coming days will bring more good news...

Update for Saturday...

It's comforting to be able to get this update for the weekend.. !!  I am certain Edi will continue to recover well..


"I'm able to email on a Sat because I came into the office after being "booted" out of ICU as the doctors commenced their ward round. 

Over the last two days, Hei Meng and I noticed that Edi regularly moved his legs about, but not with force since he's weak.  He often also attempted to lift his right hand towards his chest.  I think he's started to exercise his legs and relieving pressure at particular spots on his back.   Observing this, I've started giving him gentle massages on the legs and arms.  Chris, the nurse commented that touching was important to patients as it's a source of comfort.

Last evening, he tried many times to lift his right hand even higher, towards his face.  I supported his hand in the hope that he could reach wherever it was but he wasn't strong enough.  I asked if he was itching on his face, chin, nose, etc but he shook his head.  I felt bad that I couldn't relieve him of the source of discomfort.  Eventually, when I replaced the moist face washer on his forehead, he shook his head.  Perhaps that was what he wanted me to address all along.  I felt stupid that I didn't progress in my questions from his face to his head !

I couldn't sleep this morning (Sat, 21/11) so popped in to see him again at 8'ish.  Another nurse, Brett, said Edi didn't sleep well because ICU was busy during the night.  Despite this, when I looked at his eyes, they were brighter (I'm careful not to imagine this).  Another good sign is that he coughs forcefully, an indication of lungs becoming stronger.  His temperature has also stepped down from 38.2 to 37.7 deg overnight.

Two days ago, I started reading the stats on the monitor that sits behind him.  I let him know his heart rate, pulse, temperature, b/p and oxygen intake level.  When at Box Hill hospital, he'd wanted me to turn a similar monitor towards him so that he could see what was going on with his body.    When he gets tired being off the ventilator and pants a bit, I tell all the above stats so that he knows that he's still doing well breathing on his own.  When I left at 9.30, Brett said they would take him off the ventilator until 12 noon.

I asked what medications Edi is on but the nurse last evening was very general in his response - meds for thinning blood, heart when fibrillating, and b/p.  He was reluctant to give me names due to Patients' Privacy Act.  I also couldn't see AP (or RP?) on the monitor but presume that it refers to Pulse.  If so, his is within the normal range of 70 - 100, as defined by the nurse.  The layout of the ICU is a huge open floor plan.  Centrally is the work station and surrounding it are the beds, each with an assortment of medical equipment.  Later, I'll see if Edi can have some music on an IPod without disturbing his neighbours."

Second update for Friday...

This is one of the most relieving news so far. I am so utterly glad that all of you have in your own ways wished it in your hearts for this... :)

"For my second visit of the day to St Vincent's Hospital, Edi was dosing when I arrived at 2'ish.  Soon, the nurse took him off the ventilator for another hour of lung therapy.  I wonder if he mistakenly thought that he was not going to get sufficient air on his own and could suffocate because he became labored in his breathing. 

I quickly reminded him that even when on the ventilator, he was initiating his own breathing.  So, it wasn't the machine keeping him alive.  His oxygen intake without the machine has been steady at 96 -98% in all the previous sessions which was great .  He need not fear not having enough air because he's not in such danger at all.   This fact may not be clear to him.   Anyway, I believe he then understood the situation better and coped rather well for the 1-hour off ventilator session.  But he also experienced less agitation because this wasn't the first 1-hr session that he's had today.  When I left, he was back on the machine and drifting into sleep.

The doctor has instructed the nurse to increase the last session tonight to cover a 2-hr break from the ventilator.  Dr Satchin (lovely chap - if I didn't have a boyfriend, I could easily fall for him : polite, personable, and with great bedside manners.  I'm mindful that Kieran is receiving this email too but he knows that I'm a faithful woman !) then turned to me and said this was to push Edi's lungs for recovery.  Edi may be agitated with a longer "exposure" but the nurse will closely monitor how he accepts it (as you know, he gets very tired as he has to work harder at breathing on his own when off the machine).

Off to see Edi now and will give next update on Mon."

The road to recovery begins....

Friday morning update from Edi's sister...   finally the road to recovery has begun ~!

"Edi's eyes have more light in them this morning.  When I walked into ICU, he was again off the ventilator.  As explained, this is part of his lungs rehabilitation program.  This time, they extended the session off the machine to 1 hour and towards the end, he got distressed - b/p shot up and his left shoulder shuddered intermittently.  He was gasping for air and I reassured him that he was in no danger, that he was still taking in 96% air on his own which was very good.  Anyway, they stopped to give him an hour's rest (back onto ventilator) before starting the next session.  It can be upsetting to watch him at such times but we keep in mind that these sessions are going to make his lungs well enough to breathe entirely on his own within the shortest time possible.  Hence, the nurse has a "program to follow" although she was instructed on what/how to monitor Edi's reactions to longer periods of breathing on his own.

Mr Ian Nixon, the cardiac surgeon who performed the heart bypass came to check on Edi and told me that he's out of danger now.  What unfortunately happened to Edi (" one in a million chances") was that his antigen reacted violently against some blood product, probably plasma, thus leading to the trauma in his lungs (filled with blood and fluids, reducing oxygen and hence, the earlier fear of brain damage).  He's now back on track; when his lungs get stronger (they will heal, Ian says), he gets out of ICU and then off to a "normal" ward and then home for recuperation.  I repeated all this to Edi, to strengthen his mind."

I thank God for this good news...

Second update for Thursday...

Edi's sister just sent this some minutes ago:-

"I didn't talk much to Edi this afternoon because he was on a 30-min session being off the ventilator when I go there.  There were moments when he was in discomfort, eg: arching his chest forward due to some pressure presumably in his lungs, and he looked tired.  Perhaps switching from a 15-min session to 30 mins off the ventilator caused such tiredness and hence, distress that his heart rhythm got a bit wonky and they gave him some medication for it.  He still has a fever (38.4 deg) due to infection identified in his mucous from the lungs and is on strong antibiotics.

I left at 4'ish having waited an hour and not able to get back in to see him - they were setting up an intravenous line on the left side of his neck and removing the one on the right side.  Latter has been set up for 9 days now and it was bleeding this morning.  They didn't want an infection and as a precaution, will send the tip of the needle to the lab to check for infection."

Thursday morning update...

Its a relief to know that he is now aware of his surroundings.  From now onwards, let us pray and hope for his steady and firm recovery..

This is the email from his sister I received this morning:-

"Edi had the tracheostomy done at 4'ish yesterday (Wed, 18/11).  When we went back at 7.15 pm, we got a scare again.  We waited 50 mins to get clearance to visit ICU and in the meantime, we knew that the doctors were with him.  Were there complications again?  One of the worst experiences is to wait and feel a cold band around your heart outside ICU.  I tried not to focus on fears and negative thoughts.

Edi looked frail - as he is.  He was coughing regularly and gasping a bit.  This was somewhat distressing for us and I held on to the thought that from now on, he's on track to recover.  The nurse on duty said she personally believes that patients are aware even when under sedation, so I reassured him that the next hurdle is to allow the body to recover.  I told him that the doctor (Darren) had said the procedure went very well and they were happy with it.  Darren continued with the info that they knew exactly what they were doing, with the aid of a camera as they looked into his throat.  When Edi gets strong enough (this will take a while, Darren said) they will remove the trachea thingy; Edi will have a scar etc and we laughed that this would be the least of his concerns.

This morning (Thu, 19/11) I was there again at 8.  He's awake and hears everything that's said when spoken to.  His eyes look dull, he's tired but comfortable and I tried to ask what he wanted to know.  He can slowly shook his head but seems to find difficulty with nodding. 

The nurse started "exercising" his lung muscles this morning by taking him off the ventilator and giving him pure oxygen for 10 mins.  This activity encourages his lungs to open up, hence strengthening the muscles, and will be repeated periodically/daily."

Conversation from the heart...

I sat by your bed yet again as I've been doing often over the last seven days.  And I talked a little again, the words just came to my mind like a clear mist of raindrops.  You must surely heard what I said, because those words came from somewhere in my heart into my head..

I am glad you're getting better each day, a little at a time. Not much, but enough for me and the rest to see that there is light after all. I am so grateful that you are responding to your own will to get through all of this. That is something you will always have: the tenacity to be better than what life throws at you.

For now, things seem overwhelming to you. But you should not fear anything because we are all with you every step. Please know that whatever you feel now, we are also feeling the same, if not more, because we are not there to physically comfort you..

I do not think of the millions of other things that threaten to cross my mind.  I only think clearly and dearly of you so that you can sense only the good things..

Be the person that you always are, and I know you will be able to overcome this..

Second update for Wednesday..

Continuing with some more positive news.. I received this email from Edi's sister..

"A quick update for I need to get home and get a few things done before I return to St Vincent's early evening.  They should be performing the trachea... thingy now.  Despite the good recovery signs from Edi, he's very weak.  What the docs fear is that if they took him off the ventilator and he couldn't cough out mucous, there's a high risk of pneumonia.  The trachea.. thing will help him recover quicker.

I don't expect to return to the office tonight to give another update.
Tomorrow morning, will stop by at 8 am again to see how he is going, then I will send another update.

Sam, I told Edi the contents of your message and pass on the news that everything is fine in the house and with you all."

Early Wednesday update...

This morning's very very encouraging update from Edi's sister:-

"I saw Edi at 8 this morning and stayed until the doctors began their ward rounds.  He is totally off sedation, his blood pressure considered good at 162/80 (I'm sure I remembered the numbers correctly and asked the nurse twice if this was a "good" reading !) and heart rate under control.  My beloved bro is definitely aware of his surrounds.  Sarah, the nurse asked him if he was in pain and to stick his tongue out.  With the slightest of head movements but clearly discernible, he shook his head.  He also stuck his tongue out.  All very positive considering that yesterday, he went for a brain scan.

Knowing that he could hear what I had to say, I spoke again of how his close friends in Msia and Sydney are asking about him and sending him good wishes and love, how many are supporting us and him in prayer, how he is making progress, how pleased the doctors and nurses are with his improvements, how he has many friends to socialise with when he's well enough because there are numerous people expressing concern and support for him.

I also reassured him that despite his noisy environment, it's a safe place with his needs being taken care of.  I talked of the towel on his chest to provide warmth and comfort and the face wash in his left hand - these ideas coming from you, Terry.  Often enough he opens his eyes and looks at me.  He also tried to speak a couple of times (I think) and I quickly told him not to try as the tube is still down his throat.

Sometimes, he coughs and swallows and this must be hard on him with the tube.  Nurse Sarah was good in telling him that the tube was tickling his throat so he was to take deep breaths.  When she was getting ready to give him an injection, she explained it was to prevent blood clots to his legs as he's not mobile yet.  Knowing my brother, now that he hears us, such explanations help him a lot.

I will return to the hospital at 11'ish to see what the doctors decide about the tracheotomy.  Terry, last week, we obtained a scalar energy (SE) pendant and it's been placed on his body since.  Also, have this SE flask; when Edi starts drinking, I'll take it to the hospital." 

Last update for today..

I got the following email at about 8:00pm just as I was going out to eat with a friend:-

"Edi's brain scan/more of an X-ray did not show indications of (a) stroke; (b) bleeding or  c) swelling.

The next step is to perform a trachea ... nomy (don't know full word or spelling), you know, a small incision to the throat to introduce a tube to aid breathing.  The doctors recommend this procedure to replace the current ventilator because the risk of lung infection is lower.  This also allows Edi's brain more time to recover without the threat of further complications with ventilator.

Ideally, he wakes up tomorrow and his b/p and heart rate do not shoot up, ie, display distress.  Then the next step is to remove the ventilator over a day or two.  At about 5'ish tomorrow morning, they will again switch off all sedation.  Within an hour, the sedation should wear off and they will monitor his response.  At 9 am, the doctors usually do their ward rounds and will assess if he needs the trachea procedure.

Tonight, I stayed by Edi's bedside for a fairly long time to tell him that he was doing well, not to stress when he is more aware of noises, etc around him.  I also said that he would wake to a safe environment and not to fear anything.  To bring pleasant thoughts and encouragement, I reminded him that a couple of my friends whom he has met have issued him with a Christmas party invitation, that Pat can still come down to visit him next month to catch up and so forth.  Pat, I'm not implying that you should or must come!  Edi has a towel on his chest to provide warmth and a rolled up face towel in his left hand.  I explained to the nurse that this will provide him comfort.

The nurse said the sedation has already been reduced by a bit tonight, hence, Edi opened his eyes often enough that made me think he heard my voice at least.  I will visit him at 8 am on my way to work, to give him encouragement and reassurance again."

It's been a week....

The past 1 week has been a roller-coaster for me and friends of Edi. Besides praying and thinking positively for his recovery and well-being, there really isn't much we can do physically. The only course of action we can take is to provide one another with emotional support.

I am touched by the kind words and simple acts of all the friends who are concerned not only for Edi's situation, but also for my well-being. It is in times like this that one is forced to take stock of oneself.

It will be a downright lie if I say that I am perfectly fine. I can feel that I am not, although I'd like to think that I am, and I try to portray myself as OK to friends.  There is no point in adding to their worries and concerns.

The fact remains that ever since I knew of Edi's initial mild heart attack and his subsequent impending bypass operation, I had been on an edge many, many times. I can't begin to describe how I felt on the day of his surgery.  And I can empathise completely with the way his brother and sister are feeling.

Today, it has been exactly a week since his surgery.  There are still some post-surgical complications and he has been responding slowly but steadily to whatever treatment that are being given to him.  More tests are being carried out even as I write this to determine any other effects to his body.

I have been forcing myself to look at the whole situation in a very detached manner.  It's the only way to see things more objectively and clearly.  And to react in a more positive way. I can moan and mope, but it will not serve anyone any good.

To all friends out there who are reading this blog, I sincerely hope you too will have the patience and tenacity to always think and feel positively for him...

..p/s : today is the 1st day of the Chinese lunar month.  I have asked a friend to light a joss stick for Edi. We will all continue to pray for him in our ways...

 

Tuesday updates...

I am putting up these quick email updates I received from Edi's sister this morning.  I am not too sure of the implications of his latest condition, but I will pray that his CT scan this afternoon will show only positive results..

Update 1
"They tried reducing sedation this morning and again, Edi's response was negative - b/p and heart rate went up.  We are seeing the doctor at 11 am local time."


Update 2
"We didn't get to talk to the doctor as they decided to see us after a CT scan that's been scheduled at 2 pm today.  We will ring at 3.30 pm to get an appointment with the doc.  The nurse was saying that perhaps Edi's brain is a bit swollen in which case, a good case scenario and it's a matter of waiting for the swelling to go down.  Or he could have had a stroke.  We will wait for the result of the CT scan.  It's looking more likely that they will perform a trachea... nomy (spelling?).  This reduces the risk of lung infection.

I saw Edi yawned twice this afternoon*; the first time it scared me a bit, thinking he was in pain.  Anthony, the nurse said Edi had also opened his eyes when Anthony called his name.  We will continue to give him reassurances in various ways; thanks, Terry for your ideas."




* : I think his sister meant yesterday afternoon on this point.

Update no.2 for Monday..

For your information, Australia is 3 hours ahead of Malaysian time..

Here is the second update his sister emailed to me:

"Hi there, been to hospital this afternoon.  Edi's situation remains stable.  They tried reducing his sedation late morning but again he was not ready.  They will continue to test this move until he shows that his body is ready to come out of the deep sleep.  Edi continues to loose a fair amount of body fluids although water retention is still apparent in his limbs.


The nurse said they expect that his lungs will recover, maybe not 100% but the inference is that he will not be struggling for breath walking down the street.  So much for now."

I feel every little improvement matters, and we all here hope he will be better with each passing day..

Update on Monday morning...

I just received the following email from Edi's sister:-

"Hi guys, Last Sat, they turned down the sedation and Edi became a bit distressed:b/p and heart rate shot up so they put him back to sleep again as he wasn't ready to be awakened.  Heart is deemed to be doing well by the doctors despite the need for drugs sometimes.  

This morning (Mon, 16/11) I rang the nurse at 10.45 who said his condition over the night has been stable with no real big changes.  B/P is fine; heart unstable but nothing to be concerned about.  Continuing to drain his body fluids - his face looks much better since last Fri ; his hands still swollen.  They probably will test turning down sedation again today and gauge Edi's response.  

Depending on which doctor one speaks to, each seems to have a different view on the matter of possible brain damage.  Dr Barry Dickson whom we spoke to for the first time last evening felt it is unlikely that Edi has suffered brain damage.  Dr Satchin with whom we are more familiar, in the early days said they had greater concern about brain damage than lung damage which they could manage."

On days like this.......

Two friends came by to see me yesterday and we went out for a simple meal.  For me it was a welcome break from being at home.

We went to a Chinese-muslim restaurant nearby and ordered different noodles.  We topped it with an additional serving of rojak and cuttle-fish cooked with those hot dried chillies.  And we chatted of course, catching up on news and latest developments regarding Edi.

It was while they were at my home that I received that latest bit of news from Edi's sister (see the previous update posting).  We were also discussing the various things that I could do in the meantime.  My friend also offered to do a make-over of the old lazy-chair that Edi uses when he wants to take a quick nap.  It had been his father's resting chair from years gone by.  I agreed since he had at some point said he wanted to have a change of the canvas material which was getting on with age.

Also, since there are a lot of old stuff lying about, my friend offered to help if I want to clear them up a bit.  I declined because almost all of it are things which Edi uses and only he would know what he wants to keep or throw out.  There was once years ago I did throw out some things which I thought were not necessary.  And when Edi found I did that, he just quietly sat down and cried silently.

That shattered me, and I vowed never to do it again without his express permission..

I have since gotten used to the things he keeps around the house.  Actually it does make me feel that he is around, strange though it may sound. The only drawback is trying to explain to friends who drop by to visit..

I hope today there will be some better news about him.  I gather from his sister's emails that their eldest sister from Hong Kong and her daughter would be flying to Melbourne (arriving yesterday actually).  Probably they are all visiting him at the hospital today.

Let us all still pray for his recovery...

Update : Saturday afternoon -

"Small improvements in Edi's condition..
Blood pressure is stable, and they have stopped heart medication.  There are signs of him breathing on his own, although still on the ventilator.  Also the swelling on his face has reduced.."


Hang on in there Edi.. we know you can do this...

We want you well and home soon... please..

 

Edi.. even the pesky pets are concerned...

True friends.. (Kawan yang karib..)

As they say, it takes a jolting event for us to realise who are our real friends.  We don't seek them out, yet somehow they know how to be there when you need them.  And then in their own unique ways, they give you the pillar of strength upon which you lean on..

I am not one who has many friends every mile along the path in my life.  But those whom I have as friends are the significant milestones without which I would have been hopelessly lost in my journey.  They are the pointers who had shown me the way when I had been hesitant to choose which way to go..

Some friends I have known are from ages ago who have become part of my life.  Some are as recent as today, and yet they have shown the sincerity that puts even me to shame. To my old (and I do mean old) friends, I will only say "we have been through this road, and we have done it all". To my new friends, I can only hope you will learn and find your own milestones in life..

To each and all of you, I would like to say it here that I will never ever forget your unconditional support in this time of need.

From near and afar.. you know who you are..

And when Edi recovers eventually, he too will know anew the hearts of those who care for him.




(terjemahan)

Seperti orang kata, bila sesuatu kejadian berlaku, barulah kita kenal siapa kawan kita sebenarnya.  Kita tidak mencari mereka, tetapi sebaliknya mereka yang menyusul and tampilkan diri apaibla kita memerlukan mereka.  Dan dengan cari merka tersendiri, terus lantas menjadi tiang kukuh untuk kita berpaut..

Aku bukan seorang yang mempunyai ramai teman dan kawan di setiap batu dalam jalanan hidup ini.  Namun mereka yang menjadi teman merupakan sebagai tanda arah, dan tanpa mereka aku mungkin telahpun sesat dalam perjalanan aku.  Mereka adalah petunjuk arah yang memberi aku haluan semasa aku ragu tujuan..

Sebilangan teman itu aku sudah kenal sejak berkurun lamanya dan telah menjadi sebahagian hidupku.  Tetapi ada juga yang aku kenal semasa ini juga, namum keikhlasan mereka membuat aku jua terasa segan.  Kepada teman-teman lama aku (ya, aku maksudkan yang tua), aku hanya ingin mengatakan "kita telah melalui jalan itu semua, dan kita telah melakukan segalanya".  Kepada kawan-kawan yang baru, aku hanya dapat mengharap kamu akan menemui tanda arah kamu kelak dalam perjalanan hidupmu..

Kepada setiap kalian itu semua, aku ingin mengatakan di sini yang aku tidak akan melupakan sokongan kamu yang tidak berbelahbagi itu dimasa aku memerlukannya.

Yang dekat mahupun yang jauh.. kau tahu siapakah yang aku maksudkan..

Dan bila Edi pulih kelak, dia juga akan tahu semula siapa yang betul kisahkan tentang dirinya.

The second update this morning..

The latest update from Edi's sister after the previous posting:-

"At 9'ish this morning, they swapped the advanced ventilator for a normal one.  Currently, it's going at 60% capacity.  His kidneys thankfully are good and they have started giving him drugs to cause them to drain excess fluids from his body.  Deep sedation drugs are also reduced to slowly bring him to consciousness.  This may take a couple of days to occur.  They will look for slight movements in his limbs, etc.  When he shows responsiveness, they will put him into a gentle sleep again so that he does not fight the tube that's in his throat.

Then to check for possible brain damage, they will apply pressure to his nails - the nurse says this can be painful.  If there is a grimace on his face or his hand reflexively tries to pull away, this is a good sign.  If he is able to move his limbs, to do what the nurse asks of him, etc, these are indicators of no brain damage.  They have tested his eyes' responses to light and the pupils reacted to the it, however, this is not a good enough indicator to confirm lack of damage to his front lobe of the brain."

 

Conversation from the heart [2] ..(Bicara hati [2])

"I know you can listen to what I say from my heart.  I know you are also anxious about us, but your only task is to make sure you yourself fight back whatever it is that is making you ill now.  Please have the will to pull through quickly and be stronger than you are before.

When I was ill, you sat by my bed and said prayers for me. You drove away all the negative thoughts haunting my mind when I had high fever...  Now all I am asking you to do is just concentrate on getting well again.  I am asking you to to not be afraid because I am by your side too, as are all your family members and friends in their hearts and minds.  You must think of all the good things that we want for you...

You are not alone, Edi.  I know you can feel this. Please take the strength from our sincere thoughts and use it to make yourself well quickly.  We need you in our lives too..."


(terjemahan)

"Aku tahu kau dapat mendengar apa yang aku bisikan dari hatiku.  Aku tahu kau juga resah tentang kami, tapi tugas kau hanyalah untuk pertahankan diri daripada apa yang membuat kau kurang sihat kini. Tolonglah kuatkan kemahuan kau untuk cepat pulih dan menjadi lebih sihat dari masa dahulu.

Semasa aku sakit, kau sentiasa berdoa di sisi katil ku.  Kau menghalau segala fikiran negatif yang menghantui fikiran ku semasa aku mangalami demam teruk... Kini aku hanya meminta kau cuba tumpukan upaya untuk menjadi sihat semula.  Aku meminta kau agar jangan bimbang kerana aku di sisi mu jua, seperti juga di dalam hati kaum keluarga dan teman yang lain.  Kau hendaklah fikirkan saja pada segala yang baik yang kami inginkan untukmu..

Kau bukan keseorangan, Edi.  Aku tahu kau boleh merasakan ini. Tolonglah ambil ketabahan hati dari ketulusan kami dan gunakannya untuk memulihkan dirimu secepat mungkin.  Kami perlukan kau di dalam kehidupan kami jua.."

An update to Edi's condition...

This morning I received an email from Edi's sister.  There is some improvement to his lung condition although there is still a long way to go..


"I called the hospital this morning at 8'ish.  Back track a bit here (I'm also trying to give more detail here to distract myself from thinking negative thoughts) - these three mornings when I got up, I struggled deciding to call or not to call ICU: what if they report deterioration, etc?  But I ended up ringing because "if there's improvement, it helps me to cope and I need to inform family members and friends who are anxiously waiting for updates".  Back to this morning's call, the nurse said they will put Edi onto another ventilator today and we pray that Edi responds well to it.  I was saying previously that if Edi continued the need of the current (advanced) ventilator running at full throttle, the doctors would be forced to put him on a lung bypass machine.

However, since yesterday they have the advanced model of ventilator running only at 50% capacity and Edi's responding well to the reduction (a sign that his lungs are improving although medically, they are still very sick).  She also said they have decreased the pressure into his lungs which I read as "progress" since high pressure is causing problems for the heart's blood circulation.  They have to give him some drug for the right side of his heart too, to keep it pumping."

The lamp may be different, but the light is the same... (Pelita mungkin bebeza, tapi cahayanya sama..)

I received an SMS from Edi's sister just before 4:00pm to say that his lung condition has improved, and hopefully tomorrow they can move him to a different ventilator (see details on previous posting about his condition).

My first reaction was to thank God that he is improving.. and I replied to her "Praise the Lord. Thanks". Then I found tears flowing down my cheeks, and I went to Edi's room, touched his shirt on his bed and silently told him " you can do this.. please heal yourself.."  And I recited a prayer of thanks to God.

My point is.. it doesn't matter what religion or system of belief one subscribes to.  As long as we fervently believe in the Creator, our ways of addressing him to say thanks is not important.  Edi is a Buddhist, his sister is a Christian, and I am a Moslem. Yet in our hearts we all know we are asking the same Creator for blessings.. and we offer our thanks to Him.

Let us all still pray for his recovery.. 

Amin ya'rabul'alamin..



(terjemahan)

Pelita mungkin bebeza, tapi cahayanya sama..

Aku terima SMS dari adik Edi sebelum jam 4:00 petang tadi yang mengatakan keadaan paru-parunya bertambah baik...  dan aku terus membalas dengan berkata "Syukur pada Tuhan. Terimakasih".  Lantas itu, aku dapati airmata mengalir ke pipiku, dan aku pergi ke bilik Edi.  aku pegang bajunya di atas katilnya dan dalam hati aku berkata padanya " kau boleh lakukan ni.. pulihkan dirimu.."  Dan aku pun membaca doa kesyukuran pada Tuhan.

Apa yang aku ingin sampaikan di sini... adalah ianya tidak penting apa agama atau sistem kepercayaan sesorang itu.  Selagi kita betul ada kepercayaan pada yang Esa, cara kita mengucapkan kesyukuran pada Nya tidak penting.  Edi adalah seorang beragama Buddhist, adiknya beragama Kristian, dan aku beragama Islam.  Namun itu, di dalam hati kami, kita sedia tahu bahawa kita bermohon kepada yang Esa untuk keredhaan Nya.. dan kita bersyukur pada Nya.

Marilah kita semua teruskan berdoa agar dia cepat sembuh..

Amin...ya'rabul'alamin..

Latest information on Edi...

The latest information from Edi's sister in Melbourne:-

"There is some slight improvement in Edi's condition.  Let me give some background info, first.  I tried to follow what the doc explained htis afternoon and could have gotten some info wrong.

As Edi's lungs are not breathing, he's put onto this advanced but noisy ventilator.  Edi is also put into a deep sleep so that he doesn't hear the noise and becomes agitated - the doctors don't want him moving about.  Due to the pressure created in his chest, being on the ventilator, it's difficult for blood to enter and leave his heart.  The heart needs fluids to help move the blood along but not his lungs.  We saw the nurse start a blood transfusion this afternoon.  They need the fluid to keep the b/p up but with this, haemoglobin goes down.  So, there is this tension pocket and ICU has to keep the lungs and heart happy with both organs having different requirements.  Being on the ventilator, they also find it necessary to support his blood pressure with drugs. 

Looking at my beloved bro, I feel intense pain and deep sorrow because his body is bloated due to fluid retention.  There are also tubes here and there going into his body, nostrils and mouth.  As I describe this to you, my tears are welling up.  I try to seek comfort in the fact that he is asleep and oblivious to all these.

The slight improvement that I spoke of above is that last night, they reduced the operating capacity of the ventilator and Edi's breathing been holding up.  They will progressively turn down the operating capacity until a level when they are comfortable to change the advanced model of ventilator to another one that is quieter.  Then they will bring Edi out of the induced sleep.  This is good because the less need to introduce medication into his system, the better.

The next concern then is to determine if he sustained brain damage on Tues when the complications first arose.  So, it's still some way to go but the improvement (slight as it may be) is significant and critical.  The doctor agrees with my choice of words, they are proceeding with "quiet optimism" although there's still a long way to go. "

http://www.svhm.org.au/

Conversation from the heart.. (bicara hati...)

How do we show you that we all want you here with us again..?

It is now after 2:00am.

Yesterday afternoon a friend you know came by to keep me company for a while. I know he is utterly concerned. About you, and about me. I am sure you can feel that. We talked about you and he was also trying to make sure I am coping with this situation.

For once, I realised clearly that there can be people who reach out to offer support in whatever way they can. Not because they want something out of it, but simply because they are trying to really say they care. It doesn't matter what they actually say, but its their intention that is is pure as light of day..

And that, Edi, is what we all want you to see again soon: the light of day that friends can give. We all really want that for you, not for ourselves.

Please hear our hearts and heal yourself quickly. Please be among us once more..

I am trying not to be sad, but it is difficult of course. I am trying to be brave, but it is also sometimes just momentary. If I say I will be strong, then I don't know from where I can get the strength.

The only thing I can be without any doubts, is to be honest with how I feel. And you already know that...

(terjemahan)

Bagaimanakah kita sampaikan bahawa kita maukan kau di sini bersama kita semula..?

Kini jam 2:00pagi.

Petang semalam, seorang kawan kau datang ke rumah untuk menemani aku seketika.  Aku tau dia sangat risau.  Terhadap kau dan juga aku.  Aku yakin kau boleh merasai nya.  Kami berbual pasak kau dan dia cuba juga memastikan yang aku larat menghadapi ini semua.

Akhirnya aku sedari dengan jelas bahawa ada juga orang yang sanggup menghulurkan tangan untuk menyokong dengan apa cara jua yang mereka boleh.  Bukan sebab mereka inginkan sesuatu darinya, tetapi semata-mata kerana mereka ingin menyatakan yang mereka prihatin.  Tidak kiralah apa yang mereka katakan, tetapi niat mereka amat tulus dan ikhlas sebagai sinaran mentari..

Dan itu, wahai Edi, merupakan apa yang kami semua inginkan kau dapat melihat dalam masa terdekat: sinaran mentari di siang hari dari hati kawan-kawan kau.  Kami semua inginkan itu untukmu, bukan untuk diri kami sendiri.

Aku cuba untuk tidak merasa kesedihan, namun itu memang sukar.  Aku cuba tabahkan diri, tetapi ianya kadang seketika sahaja.  Jika aku kata aku akan menjadi kuat, maka aku tidak tahu dari mana akan datang kekuatan itu...

Yang aku boleh lakukan dengan sahihnya, adalah untuk berterus terang dan ikhlas pada perasaan aku.  Dan itu kau telahpun tahu..

I find myself doing this.. (aku dapati yang aku berbuat ini..)

I find myself standing by your bed, and I heard myself whispering, asking you to please fight whatever it is that is pulling you away from all of us. I heard myself asking you to please awake from your deep sleep, and to see all your friends and family smiling that you are going to be well again..

And I heard my own heart asking the One above to please allow you to be what you are before this...

"We all care... you should already know this. We love you in our own ways, just as you love us all in your unique way. I feel in me that you also can know right now how we all are anxious for you. Please get better so that those around you there can help you back on your feet once again..."

(terjemahan)

Aku berdiri di tepi katil mu, dan aku terdengar bisikan hati aku sendiri, meminta kau agar dapat pertahakan diri dari apa yang sedang menjauhkan kau dari kami semua. Aku terdengar hatiku meminta supaya kau sedarkan diri dari tidur yang mendalam itu, dan melihat keluarga serta kawan kau tersenyum gembira kerana kau akan pulih semula.

Dan aku terdengar hatiku juga memohon pada yang Esa agar membuat kau seperti dulu semula...

"Kami semua amat sayangkan kau... kau seharusnya sudah tahu ini semua. Kami menyayangi kau dengan cara kami jua, seperti juga kau sayangkan kami dengan cara kau sendiri. Aku terasa dalam sanubariku bahawa kau mengetahui ketika ini juga betapa cemas dan risau kami semua terhadapmu. Tolonglah pulihkan diri supaya mereka yang sekelilingmu itu dapat membantu kau sembuh seterusnya..."

Tell me.... (cakapalah padaku...)

Tell me, how would you feel about someone :-

-who has been a big part of your life for the past 30 years?
-who has been looking after you through everything that life has thrown at you?
-who has been putting your welfare above his own?
-who has sacrificed his own comfort so that his own brothers and sisters can be better than him?
-who has endured his own sadness in silence and never lose track of what he wants to do? -
-who has his own imperfections and can accept what you cannot see of your own failings?

Tell me, how would you feel now that he is fighting for his own life and he is so far away beyond your reach to comfort him…

All I know is that, if it doesn’t shatter your heart, then you are not human…



(terjemahan)

Cakaplah padaku....

Cakaplah, apa yang kau rasa pada sesorang :-

-yang telah menjadi sebahagian besar kehidupan kau selama lebih 30 tahun?
-yang telah menjaga kau mengharungi apapun yang kehidupan lontarkan pada diri kau?
-yang telah meletakkan keselesaan kau lebih dari kesenangan diri dia?
-yang telah berkorban diri agar adik beradiknya boleh lebih berpeluang dari dia sendiri?
-yang telah melalui kesedihan sendiri dalam diam dan tidak berputus asa untuk mencapai tujuan dia kehendaki?
-yang mempunyai kekurangan sendiri tetapi boleh menerima kurangan pada diri kau yang kau sendiri tidak sedari?

Cakapaplah padaku, apa yang kau akan rasa apabila dia kini sedang tenat dan kau jauh dari sisinya untuk memberi keselesaan padanya..

Yang aku tahu, jika itu semua tidak menghancurkan hati kau, maka kau bukan manusia…